In the movies, a couple has a big, romantic proposal and they ride off into the sunset together. There’s a little montage about annoying but endearing wedding planning stories, shared laughter, and then suddenly there’s a gorgeous fall wedding and they pretty much live happily ever after.
Yes, we had a romantic proposal and we literally did ride off into the sunset to start our new lives together in Wisconsin. We had plenty of annoying but endearing wedding planning stories, but there was also A LOT of stress, not much laughter, and a “gorgeous” fall wedding was starting to look a lot like my version of hell.
The movies don’t talk about how difficult it is to move to a place that you really don’t like, to find and start a new job (kind of in your field but not at all what you want to do and with no one your age), adjust to living together after two years of being across the country from each other, make new friends that you don’t really fit in with, get involved in your community (that you don’t really like), handle both sets of friends and family being around frequently when you’re used to rare visits, stay in shape, and “most importantly” plan a wedding (in said area you really don’t like) while staying madly in love and enjoying the excitement that is being engaged. It’s a lot to handle all at once and we set our goals and expectations just a little too high.
The pressure I felt was enormous and it brought on a huge case of cold feet. If things aren’t fun now, it’s only going to be hell when we have big things to deal with like having a house and children! We could barely afford to pay for this wedding that neither of us were really thrilled about or wanted to do the work to plan. We both had enough on our plate with our career goals, developing hobbies, and balancing our friends and family being a few hours away. It didn’t help that after 10 pages of Google searching and driving around, not a single ceremony site in the area was available for the date we had already planned, besides the Catholic church of course.
With everything we had, and still have, going on, we began to lose sight of “us” and it really freaked me out. I had basically given up my whole life to be where I was, and yet we weren’t happy.
After a few looong, and sometimes frustrating conversations, we decided to postpone the wedding. Yes, we are still engaged. We just want to adjust and enjoy this time without all the chaos that undoubtedly goes with wedding planning. We are sad because we are looking forward to a wedding and our marriage but at the rate we were going, we weren’t going to make it to that point. This way we can save up some more money, we can slow down and take the time to research and plan the wedding that we really want so it’s actually worth allllll that money, and we can be a little more emotionally prepared for all this change.
Being engaged is very exciting but it’s also ok to take your time. My good friend, Faith, says “when in doubt, don’t,” and I think she’s completely right. We will have the wedding one day but for now we’re focusing on us and it feels so much better.